Home Is Where The Heart Is
by Maeliza
Summary: What if Leah and Sam could be together?
1. Chapter 1

You know that tiny voice in the back of your mind that picks at the little negative things held in your brain? Yeah, well that tiny voice was growing bigger and bigger; chanting the words 'your fault' in a disgusted tone that made me sick. It was like a drill, provoking the decay to cause more pain than necessary. However, the drill worked. It helped me realize that my father's fatal heart attack was caused by me.

Of course my brother had taken part in it but relinquishing this sort of pain wouldn't grant me any laughs today.

I watched him from the visitor's waiting room as he clasped our father's fragile, limp hands between his own - our father's hand looked strangely small by comparison.

"I'm sorry," Seth whispered and that was all it took to make me leave. My eyes were filled with hot tears that ran like acid down my cheeks. I sprinted down the Emergency Room's corridor with my hands blindfolding my eyes, I was unaware of where I was running too and I didn't care.

I had to leave.

"Leah." I heard a voice call, stopping me in the midst of my escape, as well as my heart.

Sam.

I turned to him, the sound of his voice wrapping around me like a caress. The fact that he still had any effect on me made me want to scream but I bottled it up and managed to keep my cool.

"What?" I asked, biting my bottom lip as I watched the concern, for my father I assumed, fill his features.

"I'm sorry," his tone was uncomfortable which made me think that he rather be spending his valuable time with Emily, my own blood.

I ignored the strong urge to stick my tongue out at him and cause a scene right then and there but this wasn't high school anymore and Sam and I were no longer together. He wouldn't put up with my attitude, nor did I expect him too.

Naturally, I stopped myself from dwelling on the past and put on a strong face with a hint of Leah attitude.

"I bet." I said, tapping my foot as if I was running on a schedule. I wondered if he understood the double meaning of my words.

"I meant…" he paused and sighed, collecting his thoughts. "I meant about your Father." So he did understand. Good.

"Of course I'm sorry about many other things but we can't discuss that right now, Lee-Lee."

My eyes widened at the familiar name. It must have slipped because he never called me that. He hadn't since we dated.

My eyes were wide with shock when I heard him mumble something that sounded like 'Leah' but I wasn't sure, I was still stunned by his slipup. I was caught off guard… which was rare for me, I usually always had a quick remark but this was different.

"I-I didn't," I paused; tripping over my words wasn't a smart idea.

_Snap out of it, Leah! It's only Sam, only the love you lost…_ the voice inside of my head started to drill.

I sighed.

He got to me and he knew it.

Did this hurt him as much as it did me? Of course it didn't. His heart is to his new fiancé. My cousin slash former best friend.

The thought made the pain stronger, stabbing at my heart like tiny knives.

"Look," I breathed, "I didn't mean that. I know you're sorry, for a lot of things. You made that clear. But I caused this Sam and I don't need your pity."

Sam took two steps closer, walking with a graceful caution.

My heart started pounding in my chest.

_Thump, Thump, Thump. Sam, Sam, SAM!_

I seriously hoped he couldn't hear it but I knew he could.

"Leah, you don't understand. This isn't _your _fault."

I interrupted, "are you trying to say this is Seth's fault?" I was getting annoyed, but the sound of his laughter calmed my nerves, I misinterpreted, apparently.

"No, I didn't mean that. You're young, Leah. Well, not young but you know what I mean, I hope. You're new to this. Hell, no one expected you, of all people, to change. You haven't mastered control yet, not a lot of people are gifted with that sort of luxury when they first phase. I understand you won't ever forgive yourself,"

Images of Emily's scarred face flashed in my mind. I held in a shudder.

"Your father was a good man," he continued and ever so slowly - almost hesitant - he intertwined his hand with mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm going to miss him but he wouldn't want you to act like this. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself. He loves you and loves who you are going to become. You have to let yourself be that person, but you can't if you have this guilt blocking your path. Forgive."

"Forgive?" I questioned.

The word seemed foreign on my lips. That was a bit hypocritical to say for someone who hasn't forgiven them self for harming Emily… for hurting me, but I took the advice into consideration. His attempt in amends was very well played but he knew the way I felt. I couldn't be around him or Emily, I just couldn't stand there and watch the eyes that once loved me love someone else. It was agonizing.

I pulled my hand away from his and pressed my back against the corridor wall, sliding down to the floor with my knees pulled tightly to my chest. I rested my head against my knees and for the first time, in a long time, I let myself cry.

"Why are you here?" I asked between sniffs, it sounded muffled since my head was still glued to my knees, but he understood. He slid down beside me, resting his hand on mine, again, and cupped my face between his rough hands, forcing me to look at him, and said: "I needed to see you."


	2. Chapter 2

His hands were coarse against my smooth skin. I wondered what he had been doing before he came here. Was he with Emily? Is Emily _here_? Probably, I thought, which stirred up my question.

"Where's Emily?" I asked blankly.

His hesitation was brief but it was there.

"Yes," he whispered.

Maybe he was just trying to spare my feelings. I was surprised I still had any emotional feeling left in me.

"Then go back to her," my voice came out more harsh then I expected but I didn't take it back.

"Lee-Lee…"

"Don't call me that!" I shouted, backing away from his grip on my face.

"I-I'm sorry," he said.

"No. You're not, Sam. You keep saying that but you're _not_. I know sorry, I'm always sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be more perfect for you, I'm sorry I couldn't be Emily and your imprint. I'm sorry my stupid phasing killed my father! And I'm sorry you have to listen to my crap all the time. The only time you're sorry is when you have nothing else to say. You're happy with Emily, Sam, so why be sorry? You love her." My voice was on the verge of hysterics.

I was shaking.

My body was like water in a pot.

Boiling as the flames intensified.

_Shit!_ I cursed.

_Stay in control, Leah._ I thought.

_Stay in control, don't lose control, focus!_

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed to master this, I could fight this.

_Don't phase. DON'T. PHASE._

My shaking calmed.

"Leah…" He said.

He moved closer to me and I scooted back.

I didn't want to be touched.

"You're right." He said – voice calm.

"What?" I asked.

"You're right. I am happy with Emily but you can't compare what we had to what Emily and I have." He stated. "What we had wasn't forced, it was natural. I loved you, Leah. Don't ever believe different."

He moved closer this time and I didn't flinch back.

His hand cupped one side of my face and I inhaled his scent.

"If what we had was so natural why couldn't you stay with me?" My voice cracked.

"I would have but… you don't know what it's like to imprint. You don't understand the feeling." He defended.

"Tell me then." I demanded.

"It's like feeling… whole, complete, for the first time in your life. When I was with you, Leah, I believed I was whole. I never would have guessed anything was missing, but that day, when I saw her I-"

"Stop," I interrupted - eyes watering.

"You need to hear me out, Leah." He said, smoothing gentle circles into my cheek. "This could happen to you and when it does…"

"… When it does?" I paused, contemplating my next question. "Will you be mad?" I finally asked.

"No, of course not, I'll be happy for you." His eyes weren't on mine anymore.

"Look at me and say it," I told him.

"I can't," he said.

"Say it," I demanded.

"I can't! I can't say I'll be happy for you, Leah. You're going to love someone else and forget what we had."

"You haven't forgotten." I contested.

"No, I haven't, but you will. You're stronger than I am, Leah. You always have been."

"If I was so strong you wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be here, and my dad most definitely wouldn't be here. He'd be home safe and alive."

"You're blaming yourself for something that was out of your control," was all he had to say.

"If I was strong enough, I would have been in control, Sam. With strength comes control," I pointed out.

"Your stubborn nature is strong enough," I heard him mumble, which made my already heated skin boil.

"I suppose it is strong enough. You're lucky I'm stubborn, Sam, because if I wasn't I wouldn't have fought against my brain just now to punch you square in the nose!" As my voice got louder, my body began to shake. I could feel my human form slipping away.

Slipping like the delicate drops of rain sliding down a rooftop.

I was ready to trade in my humanity for the monster taking comfort in its new home.

But I wouldn't allow my humanity to become the alien.

_Stay in control, Leah. Stay in control. Think of Dad._

_Dad…_

I inhaled a long stream of air and briefly closed my eyes. Images of my father's shell flashed behind my lids. He was gone because of me, because I wasn't strong enough.

"I've lost everything, haven't I?" I asked, letting the tears fall.

"Oh Lee-Lee," he whispered frantically, before pulling me into his arms and pressing his smooth lips to my forehead, a familiar touch that I missed. "I'm so sorry," he said. It was an apology for many things, and, for the first time, I was ready to forgive. Without hesitation, I removed myself from his hold and scrambled my way up to stand. I needed to go back to Seth, and to my father. Seth was all alone with his guilt, and here I was getting placated to by a man that started the destruction of my heart. I could forgive but I would never forget.

The words "I know" was all I left him with, before running back in the direction that I came, heading towards the annihilation of my heart.


End file.
